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Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...