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I like the part of the day when food happens.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.