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Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
drinks well with others.