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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iām sober.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)