Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.