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Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
It makes me sad that so many women feel like they have to wear makeup and clothes.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session