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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.