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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
It´s never to late to be happy
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.