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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.