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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."