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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
I just found my Christmas Spirit.... It`s been in aisle 6 at this liquor store the whole time!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.