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I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........