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Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
is available for rebound sex.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"