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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.