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Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.