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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.