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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.