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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.