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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
I have a black belt in leather
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone