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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
For Christmas I just want summer...
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.