Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I`m at my most relaxed around dogs and prescription drugs.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
The only dates I get are updates.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.