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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.