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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.