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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)