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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
A leaf blower, but for people.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.