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I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.