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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?