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If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?