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I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Some of my best memories are naps.
So much to do and so few alibis.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.