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feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.