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I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
A woman that doesn`t ask for nothing deserves everything
and alcohol are now friends.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.