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Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"