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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
The funny moment when a fat kid says "that`s how I roll".
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.