Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?