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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
Partying on my level requires years of training.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
canΒ΄t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.