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I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.