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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.