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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
H.A.T.E.R.S. : Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success?
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well