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Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)