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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...