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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...