Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.