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I`m only a morning person on December 25th
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.