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"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss