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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
Never take advice from someone more miserable than you are.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.