Daily Silly Status

You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?

Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.

Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?

You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.

I`m kinda like an onion, not in some deep I have layers way, but if you see me naked, you`ll cry.

I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.

Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.

Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL

That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.

Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?

You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..

I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.