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That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.