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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?