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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I have off-road rage, too
I`m introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.