Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.