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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?